there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
