I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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