You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
