We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
love makes seman taste better
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When are your genitals available?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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