At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
