Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
