are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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