You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
