sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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