As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
