i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
