I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
