the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
