I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
