What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
