operation harelip BJ is a go
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
