I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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