Quick, to the slutcave!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
