You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
