Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
