you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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