we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
