Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
