Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
