No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
