I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
