it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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