For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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