she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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