Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
