Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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