So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
