i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
