the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
