I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
