Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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