My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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