Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
