my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
