My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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