I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
