Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
