Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
