Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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