In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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