What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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