that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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