I just saw a hot homeless man
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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