I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
