and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
