dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
