WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
