I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
