when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
