I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
