Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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